Reflections (a look back on living the yoga lifestyle)

I recently had to submit a short essay/reflection on my experiences with yoga philosophy and lifestyle for teacher training and thought I’d share it here.~~~~~

I am not the same as I used to be. Well, I am, but I am also different. Softer in a way, but also stronger. Kinder inside and outside; more compassionate. Sure I was “nice,” but I am not sure actions were always backed with intention. I feel more connection with others now. I have had deeper and more meaningful conversations with my loved ones lately. I have been vulnerable and exposed myself more than I have in a long time. I have always minded my own business so to speak, but would judge others especially for behavior I deemed rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. That is still a pet peeve, but now I focus more on my behavior and not that of others. I worry less. I have rediscovered my spirituality and religion. I have started to pray again, and to give gratitude. (Insert #blessed here.) I like the transformation in me from this journey.

Our philosophy teacher has often remarked that you will get what you are supposed to get at that time and that life will bring you the lessons when you are ready for them. In many ways, that is what happened with yoga teacher training. I was a bit at a cross roads and not sure what was next for me when I signed up for this training.  I have searched so long and hard to figure out what is my purpose and this experience has brought me closer to those answers. That is not to say it has been all roses however. Some parts have been tough on many levels.

I did not know much of yogic philosophy when I started this program. I took an Eastern Religions course in college and thus had some familiarity with some of the basic tenets. I love the conceptual simplicity of the yoga sutras. They are truly beautiful.

The yamas and niyamas provided me a good foundation and reminder of things that we all “know” but don’t always practice consistently. However, when I put them into active, mindful practice it seemed so much more peaceful and natural when it wasn’t a “should” but rather built on this layer of non-necessity. There is a logical appeal because you reap the benefits by alleviating the suffering that you are often causing yourself. It almost feels selfish in a way. You choose ahimsa because cultivating that mindset is simply more self-nourishing. You practice satya because while it may appear scary at first, authenticity is so deeply satisfying. You practice brahmacharya because it often results in good physical health and balance –you feel better. You practice asteya because it brings with it an abundance mindset. You practice aparigraha because it leads to freedom – you don’t feel trapped by things or people. The niyamas cultivate similar concepts. You practice saucha because it creates the environment for everything else. You practice santosha because it alleviates suffering and brings contentment. You practice tapas to build the sustainable habits of this lifestyle.  You practice svadhaya to deepen your journey. You practice Ishvara pranidhana to experience true peace and bliss. These core principles when broadly applied (which they must be) can be difficult to maintain and require constant attention – or at least they do for me right now. But the more you practice them the easier and more natural they become.

The kleshas have been another good experience. A while back, I read a book that talked about raga and dvesa (not in those terms but those meanings of clinging and aversion) as behavioral drivers. Incorporating the other three (avidya, asmita, and abhinivesa) has been challenging. Abhinivesa is the one challenging me the most at this time as I left a job/career and am onto what I believe to be a new path for me – and one that is a better fit in truth – yet it has been difficult to relinquish what I have identified with for so long. I find myself wondering what is happening at my previous workplace or colleagues. I have to actively stop this thinking sometimes as it really should not matter to me, but it is hard to surrender something that was such a big part of my life. But that is a “past” life that I have chosen to leave it for something better.

Meditations from the Mat has been invaluable to me. Of course, there have been times I want to read it straight through, but I have been patient and look forward to each daily reading. Taking my time has allowed me to reflect and be mindful of the take-away for that day. Equally valuable has been the time spent meditating. I did not have a solid practice before this training.  I now have more comfort with the practice and have explored different aspects. I have watched several video interviews of well-known experts and used guided meditations that have been helpful. I have also been gobbling up all types of articles and readings from a myriad of sources. I am trying to understand. I don’t believe that I was always comfortable with “I don’t know” before now. Lately, I use the word interesting a lot more. That may appear lame, but I guess I am trying to say, “I never thought of it that way” or “That never occurred to me” so by removing judgment I am able to be awestruck by a different perspective. I am less incitable to an extent. I let go more easily. I am happier. I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment and have “no doubt the universe is unfolding exactly as it should.”

P.S. The last quote is from Desiderata which has always been one of my favorite writings and in many ways is a primary creed that, for me, reflects many of the values of the yogic lifestyle.

Half Baked

Hot and bothered. What is it about heat the elicits such strong emotional reactions? Why do we get so cranky and irritable? Why does heat trigger anger, aggression, violence? Science says there may be correlations to increases in blood pressure and heart rate, difficulty sleeping, and plain ole being uncomfortable. So why do people purposefully subject themselves to doing yoga in a heated room (104 °F / 40 °C) with 40% humidity? Add to that you will be there for 90 minutes doing 26 challenging poses that you will be holding for eternity where you will not fidget, and you will not wipe your sweat — even it if is stinging your eyes or running up your nose (in inverted postures). Why? Bikram yoga is purported to do many things including increasing overall fitness, enhancing strength and flexibility, healing injuries, managing weight, creating mental clarity, and eliminating toxins from the body. Lately, there is a lot of dispute about whether there is any proven benefits to the practice of hot yoga at all. A simple search will elicit many articles debunking the myths of hot yoga. Yes, you lose weight, but that is water since you sweat a lot — like I’ve been able to wring out my towel afterwards and it is gross how much I sweated! Perspiration is not the major way the body eliminates toxins. The liver and kidneys do most of that work. And, there are those that raise concerns about the heat providing an environment that could actually be injurious as you may stretch or push yourself too far and that may even be plain dangerous to some people as it could result in overheating and dehydration.

For myself, I don’t do true Bikram very much as there isn’t a nearby studio, but I did go to a class this past week as part of teacher training. I was one of the few that had gone before and was fine with going back (actually interested to see how it would go since I hadn’t been in about six months). What was interesting was that I had the impression that every other trainee was dreading the experience. One woman had gone to Bikram for a three month period and decided she didn’t like it, but I had genuine respect that she was willing to go. She even said afterwards that going back allowed her to pinpoint what she didn’t like and confirm that she still didn’t think it was for her. On the other hand, several others admitted they were afraid to go. I am not sure that I understood what the underlying fear was exactly. I acknowledge they are entitled to that feeling, but I wished I could know what exactly was the fear. One did articulate her fear in that she was afraid of being angry afterwards. This concern was also shared by one of the instructors of the program. The instructor had been to Bikram and had this experience previously, but the student I don’t think had been before (to hot but not Bikram) but had heard it could bring up those feelings. I am guessing she didn’t like the class, but I am curious about how it all turned out and hope that was not an issue afterwards. One newbie I spoke with afterwards laid it out there – she hated it and never wanted to do it again. I find this all very interesting for various reasons… one being that there was a whole lot of dvesa (aversion) going on beforehand — yes, we studied the kleshas in philosophy this weekend too!

I think it is really hard to really experience something like Bikram and and make a decision after one class. I say this because I have been to classes that were really hard — especially those first ones — but felt compelled to return to explore it. And, just maybe that is why it appeals to me. Do I actually like being in the class, the majority of the time — heck no! That is when I am thinking about it. If you cannot put your mind at ease and get in the zone, it can really suck (imho). I think that is a big point of it and perhaps one of the main draws for me. Discipline. So frequently in our lives, we have little need yet alone desire to exercise discipline. Here you are  in a class where the instructor is giving commands the entire time and you know the “rules/etiquette” and that you will be called out if you fail to comply and you are hot and doing poses that are not anywhere near comfortable. The only way to survive is to be able to still the mind, find ease, be in your zone. Forget all the rest. The studio I do go to has Hot 26 so it is a loose version of Bikram but the HUGE difference is the lack of discipline you need to exercise. Yes, you can do this for yourself, but it is harder when you aren’t being compelled; let’s be honest. You can drink and wipe as needed. The poses may be slightly altered or you can use props. It is easier. I enjoy it too, but I think for what it is worth I’d rather do a Bikram class and be challenged to silence the chitta vritti (aka mind chatter) and find peace in the chaos.

Love  it or loathe it, Bikram seems to evoke a strong reaction? Tried it? What is your stance? I’d especially like to hear if you did have any residual emotional lingerings after a Bikram class. I am trying to understand that aspect…

Namaste friends.

 

The Stink of Sweat – Four Tips to Remove that Stank

You may have noticed that sweaty workouts can add up to some pretty stinky clothing. Notice that you have a lot of space around you at yoga class? Just kidding! This topic came up after hot yoga class one day last week so I thought I’d share a few of my tips for making those expensive workout clothes fresh scented and lasting longer.

1) If the clothing is drenched (e.g., you can wring it out) and you won’t be laundering it really soon, then rinse it in cold water just like you would wash the chlorine out of a bathing suit before hanging or putting on a drying rack. Always make sure the clothes are dry before they go into a laundry basket. I like to put my clothes, towels, and mat in the garage. I have some makeshift “racks” which means a dowel for my mat, a plastic lawn chair for my towel, and I typically hang my clothes (on hangers) from my bike handles. You may laugh at this set up, but it works!

2) When you do get around to washing a load of your athletic clothing, wash it separately using a pre-wash setting with white vinegar for the pre-wash and a mild detergent for the main wash. Baking soda is good also, but be careful about using vinegar and soda together as it will fizz up. DO NOT use fabric softener! I use a heavy soil setting but low spin cycle. Be mindful of any closures that might fray or catch such as bra hooks, zippers, and Velcro. Make sure these things are closed or place these items in a mesh laundry bag so they don’t catch on other items and snag them or make them fuzzy. I highly recommend hang drying workout clothes to extend their life – I’ve had lulu tops for years using this technique so I can justify their expense 🙂

3) Wash cottons or materials that have a lot of lint (e.g., towels from hot yoga) separately from the workout clothes that are generally nylon, Lycra, etc., but use the same pre-wash treatment. I use the dryer for towels (even  yogitoes), but if the weather is nice and you have a clothes line, even better!

4) Don’t forget to freshen you yoga mat. I usually spray mine after every [hot yoga] use with mat refresher – I like the ones Manduka sells. And remember to clean your mat one a week using a mild soap or spray. You could easily make your own version using natural cleaning agents and essential oils. Typical ingredients might include water, vinegar, witch hazel, tea tree oil, and essential oils for fragrance and aromatherapy benefits. Note: check your mat’s care instructions as some essential oils can clog up porous mats. This will not only keep your mat sanitary and smelling good not to mention looking nice and lasting longer.

Namaste friends.

 

Cleanse

I am feeling good after a mini detox last week. When I mention this to others, they usually give me odd looks and assume that I didn’t eat anything and subsisted only on lemon water. Well, I do believe in the benefits of doing a detox from time to time — each time I feel energized and renewed afterwards. In a few short days, I don’t even want “the bad stuff” as much and the crazy thing is that it really isn’t that hard to do! So I thought I’d share what this means for me: cutting out known toxins and inflammatory-inducing foods. Bye-bye caffeine, alcohol, refined sugars and dairy. The general eating plan we (got the hubby on board for this one) was:

Breakfast – herbal tea and juice (here is a good one to try: Spicy Tomatillo Juice)

Lunch – smoothie (I tend to like fruit-based and use unsweetened almond milk)

Dinner – salad loaded with fresh veggies (no dressing or just balsamic vinegar and lemon juice) and obviously no cheese, meat, etc.

If I was super hungry then a piece of fruit or more juice usually staved off the hunger pangs. Of course, loads of water with lemon throughout the day – so that part is true – it just isn’t the only thing you are ingesting. I also incorporated a few other detoxification tools such as oil pulling (daily), Epsom salt baths, and hot yoga.

Do you detox regularly? What is your strategy?

Namaste friends.

 

 

Wardrobe Malfunctions and Other Woes

I wanted to take a moment to laugh at myself… it is easy to do that now of course. Just yesterday halfway through hot yoga, I discovered these little white flecks all over my towel… little balls of deodorant! Yikes! Sorry fellow yogis, but usually I wouldn’t apply fresh deodorant before class. I’ve learned from years of athletic practice the result is usually not what was intended — either it sheds or ends up smelling a whole lot of awful as a fresh or baby power scent mingles with sweat. Yuck! Yesterday was a case of not being mindful. I was in a hurry to get to class and was getting dressed and ready while on auto-pilot. We all do this, but I have been making a special effort to be mindful. Just a reminder from the universe to stop and take a breath.

During the weekend, one of my fellow yogis was having issues with her selection of top. Unknown to us, the class was focused on arm balances including handstand. Nonetheless, her top was not holding up (or rather it was) during downward dog. Been there, done that… I struggle often to find the right clothes. I suppose it shouldn’t matter, but I can have a hard time focusing if something is amiss… my shirt or shorts are riding up or I catch a glance of cleavage swan diving and hope others aren’t getting the same view. Not sure any clothing will ever be perfect… Hey, have you heard of the new craze? Naked yoga? Well, that would solve a few of my problems, but probably open a whole new set!

Namaste friends.

 

Karma is a Bitch (so they say)

Karma has been on my heels all week, or so it seems. It started at the weekly Toastmasters meeting I attend on Tuesdays. One of my fellow toastmasters gave a speech on karma. Then the next day a rather in depth article on the topic came across my Facebook feed. Finally, came the first hand lesson…

Not that I necessarily consider myself an optimist, but I do try to see things in a positive light so when it comes to karma, I tend to notice the good. When I do a good deed for someone, solicited or not, I tend to correlate the next pleasant surprise to the universe patting me on the back and saying, “Well done you!” (Perhaps the universe speaks in British phraseology?) And, if that doesn’t happen, I chalk it up to a debit or credit against my account so to speak. I never have really thought about it in terms of payback until now.

If you’ve read other posts, you know that I am in yoga teacher training so I am trying hard to be attentive to following the yamas particularly. Demonstrating compassion and having good thoughts about others is part of ahimsa. This is where I think things went awry. The other night I was out with a friend and updating her on the yoga training. She asked if I ever tried pure barre. (I have not.) She continued by saying that a friend of hers that was a devoted yogi had recently abandoned yoga for pure barre because she found it less injurious. I prefaced my next statements carefully making it clear that I meant no disrespect (after all I didn’t know the person) and that I was not judging (but I probably was).  I said that I found that curious and perhaps confusing because the first yama (ahimsa) is all about non-harming so it would be odd if you are constantly injuring yourself – something else must be going on. I continued that I’ve had teachers, one in particular, that always recounts the injuries she has gotten from yoga. It just doesn’t make sense to me. During asana practice, you do want to challenge yourself, but you simply don’t want to push to the point of pain our hurting yourself.

Student is ready, teacher appears.

The very next day during my yoga practice I hear my knee pop/crack during a pose.  It actually felt kind of good right afterwards. Then, the other side, same thing happens. Again, I felt it but it also didn’t “hurt” and I finished the practice. Later on, my knees feel a little tight and stiff. That night I ice them and apply icy/hot before bed. This morning, I am supposed to be running a 5K, but instead am writing this post because my knees are so sore! I am guessing mild sprains and only can hope that they will be better for teacher training next weekend. Guess it was just a lesson I needed and was ready for: pretending you are not judging when you clearly are is violating satya (truthfulness).  Or, I just didn’t have enough karma in the bank to skirt this this one. Better start making some deposits soon!

Namaste friends.

 

A Note on Writing

I’ve been away for a while. Neck deep in anatomy and philosophy for yoga training, but in some ways that is an excuse. I think I have been suffering from a fear — almost startle reflex — of not knowing what to write about next. I started this blog to share my journey through yoga training and maybe in the beginning thought it would be even more. Now I question and have doubts about what might be interesting to other people, or that it has been done before and I have nothing of value to add, etc.  Yoga teachings to the rescue! When the student is ready the teacher appears… One of the books we are using in teacher training is Meditations from the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison. [Aside: I highly recommend this book as it takes you eight limbs of yoga via daily (365) readings and reflections. I’ve often used these  meditations to spark my own journal writing.] The other day I read Day 63 (Niyamas – sauca/purity) and it spoke of how we define (pigeonhole) ourselves and the scripts we run in our heads and then it spoke of letting go in order to create space for new things, specifically grace.

I’ve never though of myself as a writer. I feel I am too methodical and matter of fact perhaps more like a reporter and not very exciting. But why do I think of myself that way, I wonder? Way back when (second grade) I won a young author competition. I have pretty good grammar. The point is that there is nothing to substantiate the script in my head that suggests I don’t have anything to offer or that it will be boring. Maybe it will appear that way to some, but that is not about me. My goal is to try to spark discussion and share my experience. As one of my teachers puts it, “Period. The end.”

I also read a quote the other day to the effect of “what is one fear you have and what would it be like to let go of it for the next 60 seconds.” I’ve decided to exactly that, but maybe for an hour, a day, a week… The irony is I have at least a dozen drafts of ideas and things I want to share so that is a great place to start!

Namaste friends.

 

 

An Awakening

Even though the training I am in is focused on vinyasa, we are exploring the various types of yoga. Through readings and videos we have become acquainted with styles I had never heard of before and are now being encouraged to try out some different types of yoga. In my last post, I shared a little of my experience with Yin. I’ve also taken Bikram classes in the past (that warrants a separate post). Since delving deeper into philosophy and anatomy related to yoga, I am developing a strong interest in the charkas (energy centers). Perhaps this is appealing to me as the next step in integrating spiritual, emotional, and mental aspects into my asana practice? I can’t help but feel that there are poses my body is not ready for because my mind and spirit aren’t — the body is grasping and simply won’t open yet.

Chakras

The principle is to develop awareness of blocked energy which could symbolize physical or emotional memories thus allowing us to work towards freeing ourselves from these issues. There are seven major chakras located in a line along (or just in front of) the spine. Energy flows in channels called nadi between the chakras. The seven chakras each are named and associated with an element, color, mantra, and body parts.The first (root) chakra, muladhara, is associated with earthly concerns such as basic survival and safety while at the opposite end, the seventh (crown) chakra, sahasrara, is the ultimate awakening and represents being at peace with yourself and the world. My Yoga Online has a great chakra chart and details.

Kundalini

One of the yogic styles that focuses heavily on awakening the energy at the base of the spine and and allowing it to rise though each of the chakras by using postures, dynamic breathing, meditating, and chanting mantras is Kundalini yoga. I’d seen Gurmukh, a famous Kundalini teacher, in several videos and have a friend that is a teacher, but still did not know a lot about the practice and was a bit dismissive of it. (Think there is a lesson here? Yes!) After our last teacher training weekend and Kundalini yoga coming up during discussions, I decided to give it a go. There are no classes in town, so I tried several videos (three so far) available via the cable on-demand feature. All three were about 30 minutes in length and led by Maya Fiennes. At first it feels odd — to be chanting — and the postures at times feel more like calisthenics (repeating a motion for a set number of times or minutes), but I had an awakening after the first practice. The session was about the heart chakra and building compassion and acceptance. Immediately afterwards, I felt tingly/warm and felt really open in my thorax and heart cavity. The other two sessions have been mantra focused — that part is a bit tough as I am not familiar with some of the chants, but even by the third time, I feel more versed. These sessions also elicited strong physical and emotional responses. One difficulty for me initially (again getting easier) is maintaining the breath through some of the longer chants. And, although the postures don’t seem difficult on the surface, if they are held longer they can be tough especially in the beginning. I have enjoyed Kundalini so much that I have decided to integrate it into my practice and aim to include at least two sessions per week. Out of curiosity (perhaps as a litmus test to make sure I wasn’t alone in my response) I asked my fellow trainees and teachers what their experiences were, and everyone that had tried Kundalini said they really enjoyed the practice and felt very grounded and connected afterwards.  Oh and they got tingly/warm feelings too… Have you tried Kundalini? What was your experience?

 

Oh Yes — Yin!

I took a Yin class some time ago and it didn’t resonate with me. It was slow and poses were held for what seemed an eternity (three to five minutes). The other yogis seemed much older than me and it smacked of a glorified stretching class. Oh, my naivety…

I returned recently for two reasons: 1) it was the only class offered at a time I could attend and I really wanted to do some Yoga that day and 2) my lower back was feeling a little wonky so I figured the “stretching” would help. I am now a convert and have been attending Yin regularly! What I’ve discovered is that it provides the necessary time to really get into a stretch and find release and relaxation — it is truly euphoric. I can definitely feel an endorphin release at times. And, when approached with the right mindset, Yin can be very meditative. I find myself equally focused in a Yin class, just more inwardly.

In a nutshell, Yin practice works deep within the body on connective tissue and fascia and lubricates and creates space in the joints. It is restorative in nature as it works to create calmness in the both the body and the mind. Here is a great 101 article from MindBodyGreen.

Have you tried Yin? What was your experience?

Creating Space

“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.”  –  Joseph Campbell

Home Practice

Teacher training is helping me to create a home yoga practice. Our group has been talking about “taking it to the mat” and there is daily developmental work for our meditation, pranayama, and asana practices as well as self-study and journal-ing. Here goes my admission:  I had never rolled out my mat at home before a few weeks ago. That’s right — if I wanted to work on poses, I did so on the carpet where there was space or worked on inversions (headstand, handstand) in the foyer with the front door as my support. What little meditation or pranayama work I did was most likely done in bed before sleep or upon waking.  I knew this had to change. Virginia Wolff said, “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” Well, I’ve come to think that one must have a mat and a space of one’s own if they are to have a maturing yoga practice.

Physical Setting

In one of our texts there was a section on the physical setting for practice. It is said that yoga can be practiced anywhere and when it comes to home practice, I’ve even seen postings of people who practice in hallways, closets, and even bathrooms! When space is tight, you make do. Maybe it is mental, but I strongly felt that not having a dedicated space that met some basic requirements was holding me back in some way. My research into this area focused on several elements: flooring, walls, temperature, light, sound, aroma, and props. Opinions on these items weren’t radically varied (aroma being the notable exception). I had already made up my mind that I was going to have this space, but where? Not wanting to create a household disruption nor invest a large sum of money unnecessarily, it hit me in a flash:  we have a gorgeous and sizable space that is appropriated as the formal dining room that we simply don’t use. This room contained a few pieces of furniture that could be moved and met my basic requirements: hardwood floor, soothing color on the walls, natural light and privacy controllable with shutters, and airy (tall ceiling). Even better was this was an easy sell with my spouse who is all about utility and felt this would be a better use of the space since we could count on two hands the times we’d used the dining area.

Transformation

Transforming the space was easy and took less than 24 hours. Our dining table is beautiful so it was relocated to the kitchen area and the dinette there removed. This is a wonderful solution because it makes the kitchen so much lovelier and elegant with the dark wood of the set and since the table and stools happen to be counter height – very practical – I think this table will see more use in the next week than all of last year!  There were only two other small pieces of furniture that were equally easy to relocate (did I mention that our style is transitional minimalist?). My husband helped me raise the chandelier and all that was left was a thorough cleaning of the space and rounding up all the yoga props . Finally, I decided to relocate our foo dogs to the entryway as protectors of my space.

An unexpected benefit of this particular room is that it is large enough for three mats easily if I want to practice with others (especially as I progress through teacher training).

Photos

Yoga Room in Daylight

Yoga Room (with yoga cat)

Organic Evolution

Next, I will refinish a small shelving unit that is in the garage to store books, props, and speakers for the iPod. The rest I feel will evolve, not that I don’t have a few ideas: perhaps a small fountain and drapery to allow the room to be closed off. Maybe new lighting or a ballet bar? It will change over time, as my practice is developed and deepened.  In the meantime, I will simply enjoy this sacred space.

Do you have a dedicated space for yourself? What makes it sacred to you?
If not, what is preventing you from creating your own sacred space?